As a general rule, the mindset behind personal blogging ranges from self-indulgent (at best) to openly masturbatory (at worst). Some people might say “What’s wrong with keeping a diary? I have the best of intentions! I’M JUST A ROSY-CHEEKED SO-AND-SO!”

Bull. Shit. A diary is a collection of your innermost thoughts. Your hopes, your dreams, your most intimate desires and fears. A diary is not meant to be read by all of your friends and family, and it’s not something you cross-post on fucking Facebook.

People tend to write blogs for one reason: because they like the attention. You can provide whatever excuses you’d like, but there’s really no other way to justify it. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with that, mind you. After all, I’m writing this with the hope that people will huddle around their computer screens to capture my words in the same way that families sat around shitty radios in the 1950s to listen to Orson Welles or whoever. My grievance stems from the fact that so few people are willing to call blogging what it is: an exercise in self-importance. You presume you’re doing the world a service by posting a recap of your Labor Day weekend (“GREAT TIMES AT LAKE WINNIPESAUKEE YOU GUYZ”), but you know that isn’t so. Even the people who write comments like “Wish I could’ve been there!” don’t really care, because if they did, they would have fucking gone. I want to call it a circle jerk, but I think a more accurate term would be a circular jerk (get it?!)- nobody wants to admit that they’re writing for the attention, and on the flip side, the reader doesn’t want to admit they’re reading it out of a sense of loyalty and being supportive.

So why did I start this blog? Well, mostly for the attention. But I also want to write about the petty annoyances of everyday life (hence the title “A Hopeless Cynic.”) In exchange for your readership, I promise never to share my dreams, thoughts, or details of my latest vacation unless I’m bitching about it. Sound good? Good. See you in 6 months when I remember that I started a blog and want to complain about something.