It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, and I think I’m well past due. It’s raining here, which always puts me in a writing mood. I think it’s because rainy days fill me with motivation to do absolutely nothing, but if I write something I feel like less of a piece of shit. It’s not the most clear-cut system, but it works for me. Anyway, off we go.

I really love music. I’ve played the bass since 5th grade, can pick out a tune here and there on a guitar, and I’m a world-class air drummer. In fact, if you see me air drumming, slide an actual drum set in front of me and guess what happens? MAGIC (I assume). I listen to all genres, am constantly searching for new music, and to me, there’s no greater feeling than when I listen to a song I haven’t heard before and it turns out to be an amazing track. I am, in no uncertain terms, a music junkie.

Which is why it bugs the shit out of me when people A) say they love music but really only like certain kinds of music, or B) tell me they don’t really like music.

I have a hard time finding words to express how that makes me feel, but if I had to come up with a descriptive phrase, I think I’d go with “puzzlement which borders on alarm.” How can you not like music? I get if someone doesn’t like a particular song, an artist or even an entire genre, but music as a whole? What the fuck is wrong with you?! I would say that that’s straight-up serial killer shit (“I don’t care for musical compositions. I prefer the warm embrace of an enveloping silence coupled with my ragged breaths. Those are all the dulcet tones I need.”), but even Buffalo Bill listened to music. Granted, it was the creepiest song ever:

Still, at least he liked something. Aside from the skin suits, of course.

I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that someone can go through a day without listening to music. Not incidentally, like when you’re at the store and they’re playing music over the speakers; I mean people who can go days or weeks at a time without looking for a cool new song or illegally downloading buying an album or a song. That’s just so fucking weird. I was talking about a song I love the other day, and the guy to whom I was talking (NO DANGLING PREPOSITIONS HERE) replied with the following:

“Eh, I don’t really like music.”

Not, “I’m not into that genre” or “I don’t really like that artist,” just “I don’t like music.” How can you not be into music?! To me, that’s like saying you’re not into breathing or electricity. Just jarring and weird.

I also don’t like people who say they love music but are completely resistant to being introduced to new artists. If you listen to a handful of artists and you really love them, but you aren’t interested in finding new songs, don’t say you “love music.” Say you love certain artists; otherwise, you’re lying. DON’T BE A FUCKING LIAR.

Fifteen minutes are up. And as long as we’re on the topic, here’s a song I’ve had on repeat for the past few days. Enjoy it, or don’t. But at least listen to it.

Enjoy your Saturday. I’ll be at goddamned work.