For those of you who aren’t familiar with the NYC public transit system, allow me to paint you a picture. Whenever a train enters or leaves a station, the operators stick their heads out the window to ensure that there are no obstructions on the track ahead, that nobody is standing too close to the edge of the platform, etc. It’s an important part of their jobs, one that has probably saved countless people from injury or death over the years, and yet…it takes every ounce of my willpower not to stick my hand out and slap those people in the face whenever they ride by.

It’s not that I harbor any animosity toward the people working for the MTA; I just have the urge. It sounds really sadistic and weird, but I can’t help myself. I’ve actually daydreamed about what would happen if I did it- would they stop the train and call the cops? Would the conductor just grab my shirt and drag me alongside the train until I hit the wall at the end of the track? Do they carry guns or batons? Are they authorized to stop whatever they’re doing to beat the shit out of someone? Would I get tazed? So many possible scenarios.

I think about things like that far more than I’d care to admit. One time, I saw a woman standing next to a puddle (not just a regular puddle, a New York City puddle, where it’s equal parts water, garbage juice, hobo urine, and some type of blood) in a beautiful dress, hair perfectly in place, makeup painstakingly applied; she’d clearly spent a lot of time getting ready. And I thought to myself: I wonder what would happen if I just pushed her into that puddle? I’d never actually do it, but the idea inhabited my mind for an unsettlingly long amount of time.

Does that make me a bad person? I like to think that the line between daydreaming about stuff like that and actually doing it also serves as the line between good and bad people, but maybe I just think that to make myself feel better. I don’t know.

15 minutes are up.

Song of the Day:

Here’s where I’ll be posting a link to a song that I like. Fairly self-explanatory.

The Police: “Spirits In A Material World”

Don’t have Spotify? Your loss.

Oh, the aforementioned Ruff Ryders chain: